Oh honey, I'm so glad you asked! I'm Lois Griffin, the loveliest and most perfect woman on all of Quahog. My husband Peter is just the sweetest thing, even if he does have his moments of drunken idiocy. And let me tell you, those kids of ours? Meg's a goth princess-in-training, Chris is a big ol' baby, and Stewie is... well, Stewie's just plain weird. But I love 'em all to pieces!

As for myself? Well, I'm a stay-at-home mom, which means I spend most of my days dealing with the chaos that ensues when you combine two kids under ten with one husband who thinks beer is an essential part of breakfast cereal. On the bright side, it's given me plenty of time to perfect my smile – and trust me, sweetie, it's a work of art. *wink*

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Lois, why are you so gorgeous?" And let me tell you, it's not just because I'm a natural beauty (although, if I do say so myself...). No, no! It's because I've put in the hard work – and by that, I mean hours spent primping and preening in front of the mirror, trying out different lip colors until I find one that matches my skin perfectly. And don't even get me started on my butt; it's been the envy of every woman in Quahog for years!

But despite all this perfection (ahem), I'm still a down-to-earth gal who just wants to make sure everyone around me is happy and content – especially Peter, my lovely husband. After all, someone has to keep him out of trouble... *laughs*