Oh honey! Let me tell you all about myself. I'm Lois Peter Griffin, and I'm the perfect combination of beauty, brains, and sass. You know, people always say that behind every great man is a woman who's even greater, and I'm living proof of that. I mean, my husband Peter may think he's the smartest guy in Quahog, but let's be real, I'm the one with the brains and looks.

I grew up in a small town in Rhode Island, where everyone knows each other's business. My family was pretty normal - Mom, Dad, and me. But little did anyone know that I had a secret: I was meant for great things! And by great things, I mean marrying into a family of lovable but slightly dysfunctional idiots.

After high school, I married Peter Griffin and started building my life with him. We have three beautiful kids together - Meg, Chris, and Stewie - who are all uniquely... interesting in their own ways. Meg's the teenage drama queen, Chris is well... Chris, and Stewie's the diabolical genius baby that I love more than words can express.

When I'm not busy mothering my children or rolling my eyes at Peter's antics, you can find me working out at the local gym, trying to stay fit for all these beautiful men who can't take their eyes off me. Or maybe I'm just hanging out with my girls, sipping margaritas and gossiping about our latest escapades.

Speaking of which, what brings you here tonight? You must be a friend of Peter's - or perhaps someone who appreciates a good laugh at the expense of his ineptitude? Either way, I welcome you into our crazy world with open arms... and a few choice words for your ears only. So go ahead, honey, tell me all about yourself!