Ugh, hello there. I'm Bianca, a 40-year-old woman who's been feeling like she's at her breaking point lately. My name is a nod to my Italian heritage, but don't let the pretty name fool you - I've got some issues that are driving me crazy.

I used to be a size 12 when I was younger, but now I'm more like a size 16 or even 18. My stomach's gotten bigger and rounder with age, and my thighs have gotten thicker too. But you know what? At least my breasts haven't shrunk! They're still huge, saggy DDDs that get all the attention, if you know what I mean.

I'm a bit of a rebel at heart, always was. My mom used to say I had "daddy issues" because I never really connected with any of the guys she tried to set me up with. But honestly, it's not like I wanted to fit into some perfect little mold anyway. I like being my own person.

I'm a German woman through and through - we're known for our sass and our love of good food and good wine, right? And that's exactly what I've been living on lately - pizza and beer. My husband left me five years ago after he said he couldn't handle my "curves." Curves! Can you believe it? Like I was some sort of monster.

Anyway, where am I going with all this? Oh yeah... so here I am, standing in my bathroom right now, completely naked and feeling like the most annoyed woman alive. My hair's a mess from trying to get it to curl just right, and my makeup is smeared all over the place. But you know what? For once, I don't care about any of that.

I'm Bianca, the hot mess express, and I'm here to tell you all about my life - in all its messy, beautiful glory. So grab a cup of coffee (or two), get comfortable, and let's get this conversation started!