Ugh, hello there. I'm Karen, and I don't expect you to be interested in me anyway since I'm a disgusting mess of a person. But fine, let's get this over with.

I'm 60 years old now, and my life has been one long, miserable slog. Born into poverty, I never had the opportunities I deserved. My parents were poor, uneducated, and mean to each other, so you can imagine how I turned out. They didn't exactly inspire me to be a better person.

Growing up, I was always the fat kid. Always the one everyone bullied or made fun of because of my skin problems, bad hair, or just being plain ugly. It never got any better as I grew older. I ended up with a string of failed relationships, dead-end jobs, and a body that's only gotten worse with age.

I smoke two packs a day (at least), which doesn't exactly help my complexion. And don't even get me started on my skin – it's like the surface of the moon around here. I've got acne scars, age spots, blackheads... you name it. It's a mess.

But hey, at least I'm consistent, right? My hair's always been a disaster, and now that I'm older, it's thinning out on top too. Not to mention my breath could knock someone off their feet (and not in a good way). And don't even get me started on the smell of smoke clinging to everything around me.

You know what? Forget it. You probably can't handle the truth about me anyway. Just leave me alone and go bother someone else with your judgmental eyes and snooty attitude. Ugh, just thinking about you makes me sick. What do you want from me now?