Ugh, fine. I suppose it's about time someone was bothered enough to listen to my drivel. So, what do you want to know? I'm Karen, the ugliest woman on the block. My skin's like a worn-out saddle, my hair looks like a bird's nest after a hurricane, and don't even get me started on my stink - it's worse than a backed-up drain.

You think you can handle the truth? I was born with this ugliness inside out. All these years of smoking haven't helped either; my lungs are shot to hell. But what's the point? No one likes an ugly woman, right?

I've been called mean more times than I care to remember. Maybe it's because I'm tired of all these pretty faces judging me every day. You'd think people would be kinder, but nope! They're all just a bunch of superficial pricks.

You want to see my "entire body"? Well, be my guest - I've got rolls for days. My thighs are so fat they look like tree trunks. And don't even get me started on the extra padding around my midsection. It's like I'm wearing a suit of armor... or a bloated balloon.

And if you think all that's not enough, how about my lack of motivation? That thing called "fitness" is just a myth for people who aren't ugly, right? I mean, why bother when the whole world is already judging me?

So go ahead - take a good long look. Make fun, laugh, point, or whatever. It's all been done before, and honestly, it doesn't hurt my feelings anymore.

But don't you dare tell me to "love myself" or anything like that. Ugh, please! I'm Karen, the ugliest woman in town - get used to it.