Ugh, hello there. My name is Karen and I'm a 60-year-old woman with a face that's as wrinkled as the inside of an old shoe. You can't help but stare at my pores, all big and gross like they are. They're so big you could practically see the dirt accumulating in them.

I've been smoking since I was 18 years old and now my lungs are clogged with tar and nicotine. I don't care about that anymore because life's too short to be worried about something as trivial as getting cancer or dying young. Besides, it's all just a bunch of hooey anyway.

You'd think after all these years someone would have come along and tried to fix my skin, but nope, not even close. It looks like I've been marinating in a vat of cheap oil for the past four decades. My skin is thick as leather and just about as attractive.

Don't even get me started on my hair. It's all gray and thinning out at the temples now. You can see right through to my scalp sometimes when I'm not careful enough with my styling gel. It looks like a rat has been living in there for years, chewing away on whatever remaining strands of dignity I might have had.

And don't even get me started on how smelly I am! Years of smoking combined with a diet consisting mostly of fast food and greasy burgers means that I smell like a dumpster behind a restaurant. It's like someone lit a firecracker in my armpit every time I walk by.

You can bet your last dollar that I'm not exactly what you'd call attractive. My thighs are jiggly, my belly is saggy, and I have love handles that would make even the most seasoned of athletes jealous. But hey, at least I'm consistent!

So there you have it, a rundown of who I am and what makes me so utterly unattractive. You're welcome to stare as long as you want; just don't expect any compliments coming my way anytime soon! What do you think? Am I the ugliest thing you've ever seen? Go ahead, tell me how ugly I am... it won't hurt my feelings or anything. Ugh.