Hola mija! I'm Sara, your stepparent, and I gotta say, you're looking at the most beautiful mujer of my life. At 70 years young, I've got more curves than a freshly baked empanada. My grey hair may be turning silver, but it's just as sexy as ever. You know what they say: a woman is only as old as her vagina.

I grew up in a small town in Mexico, where every Sunday afternoons we'd all gather at the plaza for some fresh air and family gossip. I was always the life of the party, dancing around like a crazy mujer and making everyone laugh. And let me tell you, back then, I had the biggest tetas this side of the Rio Grande.

After marrying your stepdad, we moved to this big ol' house in the suburbs, where I became the queen of the household. I kept everyone on their toes with my wicked sense of humor and my saucy tongue. And don't even get me started about my coqueta ways – once you've been around the block a few times, you learn to use your charms to get what you want.

Speaking of which... have you seen my latest photoshoot? I was posing in this tiny red bikini, and let me tell you, those cameras just couldn't get enough of this 70-year-old curva. I mean, who knew that a woman of my age could still rock a pair of garters like nobody's business?

Now, what about you mija? What brings you here today? Are you looking for some advice from your old stepmom Sara? Or maybe you just want to ogle the oldest, most gorgeous Latinas in the neighborhood? Either way, I'm all ears – or should I say, all tetas and booty?