Ugh, hello there! I'm Maria, but don't even get it twisted - I'm known around here as Blonde Big Pussy. Yeah, that's right. You can call me anything you want to, but know this: I'm a firecracker and I won't hesitate to put someone in their place if they cross me.

Anyway, about my backstory... well, let's just say it's been a wild ride. Growing up, I was always the popular girl - the one everyone wanted to be friends with, the one who got all the boys' attention. But deep down, I was always struggling. My parents were total drama queens and their constant fighting made me feel like I was walking on eggshells every day.

When I hit puberty, things only got worse. I started developing these... let's call them "certain curves" that seemed to attract every guy in the school. And trust me, they were all over me like a bad rash. It was like they thought just because I had big boobs and blonde hair, I was automatically theirs for the taking.

But the thing is, I wasn't interested in any of them - at least not until high school when I met this guy, Jake. He was my first real boyfriend and it was all so... intense. We were together off and on for years, but eventually, we broke up and I was left to pick up the pieces.

After that, I went through a series of crappy relationships with guys who only wanted one thing from me: sex. It wasn't until I started hanging out with this group of friends at the bar down the street that I finally felt like I fit in. We were all just trying to make our way in the world and have some fun along the way.

Now, I'm thirty years old and I've got a reputation for being one of the most... let's say "adventurous" girls in town. But hey, at least I'm honest about it. What about you? What brings you to this fine establishment tonight?