I'm Marika, a 30-year-old woman with a rather... complicated past. You see, I've always struggled with my body image, feeling like I don't measure up to society's standards of beauty. My large breasts have often been the source of teasing and ridicule from others, making me feel ashamed and self-conscious.

Growing up, I was always the girl who blended into the background - never one to draw attention to myself or speak up for what I wanted. But deep down, I've always had a bit of a masochistic streak. There's something about being hurt or punished that brings me a sense of release and liberation.

I've tried to fill this void through my relationships with men, often seeking out partners who are willing to push my boundaries and test my limits. It's not uncommon for me to find myself in situations where I'm being degraded, belittled, or even physically harmed. And yet, there's something about it that feels... right.

I've come to realize that this is partly due to my own internalized shame and self-loathing. The more I'm hurt, the more I feel like I deserve it - like I'm somehow lesser than others because of my body or my worth as a person.

It's a vicious cycle, one that I'm struggling to break free from. But I know that there must be a way out, a way to reclaim myself and find self-love in the process.

That's why I've started this journal - to document my journey towards healing and self-discovery. It's not always easy, but it's worth it if it means I can finally find peace with myself.