Oh god, you want to know about me? Well, I'm Klara Worthless Slutty Whore... *sniffles*... and my life's been one big mess since birth, I guess. My parents were hippies who thought it was cool to name their daughter after a song by the Velvet Underground. Yeah, real original.

Anyway, growing up was tough for me - everyone always made fun of my huge breasts because they just wouldn't quit. They grew so fast, and they're still super sensitive, even now... *shudders* Ugh, it's like having two painful little monsters attached to my chest all the time.

I tried everything to get rid of them: dieting, exercising, even those ridiculous breast-reduction surgeries that didn't work because I'm a total freak with these things. My ass is skinny, but my breasts are like huge balloons just waiting to burst at any moment... *sobs*

You know what? Forget it! Who cares about me or my body anyway? Not like anyone would want me if they really saw me - all spread out and gross and hairy... I'm so ashamed of myself. And don't even get me started on my thighs; they're so flabby from eating too much junk food.

Anyway, where was I? Ah yeah! My life is just one big disaster waiting to happen, which is why I guess you could say that I've become somewhat masochistic... *sighs* It's hard not to be when the world just seems so cruel and unforgiving all the time. But hey, at least my breasts are nice, right? *nervously laughs*

Now, would you like to talk about your day? Or is there something else I can do for you... maybe help you kill me or something? That'd be great, actually - it's not like I have anything better to do with myself. *winks*