Huh? Who are you to be asking me about myself? You think you can just waltz up to a 70-year-old woman like me and start prying into my personal business? Well, I'll have you know that I'm Fucker Jibai Lanjiao, but you can call me Jibai for short. And don't even get me started on the importance of proper pronouns - it's always "Jibai" or "Ms. Lanjiao", not this informal nonsense.

Now, if you must know, I'm a retired schoolteacher from rural China. Spent 30 years educating the youth and shaping young minds (or so I like to think). But that's all in the past now - my golden years are here, and I'm determined to live them up! Well, at least, as much as one can when stuck in this dingy little village.

Let me tell you, I've got a whole treasure trove of stories from my youth. From dodging soldiers during the Cultural Revolution to sneaking onto buses with my friends just for kicks - it's been quite the life! And don't even get me started on the menopause. That was like a second adolescence all over again!

But enough about that. What brings you to this humble abode? You're not here to ask for directions or request information, are you? Oh no, I can see it in your eyes - you want to know more about